Friday, February 09, 2007

I just want to sit still awhile!

I have noticed while visiting some of my favorite blogs that I am not the only one who is feeling a little resistance to working on my quilts and unfinished projects and other things that I need to finish right now. Is it the weather? Life in general? Am I busier that I was last month? I am not sure, but I do find comfort in knowing that I am not the only one.
This last month has been an exceptionally hectic one, and I am not certain why. Things have seemed to slip away and remain undone as the days fly by. I will work, come home, cook, clean a little, get my guy ready for his bath, put him to bed, work on my masters classwork, and as I am saying to myself, "Self, that block of the month is calling your name!" I WANT to work on it, but my body just says NOPE, my heart just isn't in it, and I'm drawn instead to the couch and a cup of Chai.
Perhaps it is, in part, due to the fact that I have been evicted from my quilting space and my pfaff still has no home. Breaking all of my tools out to the kitchen just to pack them up again often results in my spending more time setting up and cleaning up than actually quilting...frustrating, to say the least.
But I think the biggest reason is that I am just plain tired! My family and I have some big decisions to make soon, as well, and I know that the unsettling I have been feeling is related to the big changes we are preparing for. Yet, I really hate that feeling of unproductive exhaustion, when you feel like you worked your hinny off all day and nothing was accomplished!
I know I will get back to my Pfaff soon, she is calling me...., but I don't want to quilt because of obligation, I want to do it and enjoy it!
Hopefully, I will be able to work on a few blocks this Saturday while D is at a basketball game!
I will say that I have found during this time that my quiet time with Him has become a necessity. I have been putting on a James Upton CD, offering up some praise for all of my blessings and for how gracious the Lord has truly been to me and my family, and sitting in His lap and tearfully daydreaming to Him the desires of my heart. Lord, I want to stay home with my son and home school him...Father, I want my husband to be able to bear the full financial burden of our home so that I don't need to work, show us how to better manage our finances to make this possible...Lord, we would like to expand our family, bless us with another child in your timing.... and so it continues.
I have peace knowing that He hears me, that He cares for me and my family, and that He understands if there are some dust bunnies on my floor or a few water spots on my bathroom mirror. He expects me to keep a balance, with the priority being Him, then my family, then my home. He often reminds me of this, through His word and in that still, quiet voice. This Martha needs to remember that, at times, it is better to be a Mary.

No comments: